The Lords of Salem

Have you ever wondered what Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby would be like on acid? That's pretty much what you get with Rob Zombie's new fright fest The Lords of Salem. The story revolves around a radio DJ named Heidi Hawthorne. She lives a relatively normal life, and she seems happy, but one day on her radio show she plays a mysterious record that she received in the mail from a band simply called The Lords. After the record is played, Heidi starts feeling strange and having bizarre hallucinations. Meanwhile, a mysterious new neighbor has moved into Heidi's apartment building with seemingly deadly intent. All of these strange occurrences relate back to a secret coven of witches that were hunted down and burned at the stake during the Salem witch trials.

The main thing that sets this film apart from Zombie's other films is the slow, tension building pace. Sure, there are a few isolated scares scattered throughout the film, but the real eye burning imagery is saved for the last 10-15 minutes. This is the main reason I loved this film. It's slow burning and we actually get to know Heidi, making her descent into madness that much more gut wrenching. You have to be patient and willing to make the journey with her. It's definitely Zombie's most mature film in terms of storytelling and craft.

The look of this film can be summed up with one word: gorgeous. It's a dark and dreary experience peppered with bright, candy colored Satanic images. Heidi's twisted visions are impossible to look away from, even as they get more grotesque and obscene. There were certain sequences at the end that were burned into my mind and had me thinking about them long after the credits rolled. Everything works, from the set design to the strange lighting and photography of the hallucinations.  Zombie really went for something that didn't resemble any of his past work, and he succeeded. This is his most visually striking film since House of 1000 Corpses.

The acting in this film is also top notch. Sheri Moon Zombie does an amazing job as the heroine of the story. Ken Froree and Jeff Daniel Phillips are also great as Heidi's co-hosts at the radio station. But the stand out performances are that of the three old witches threatening Heidi's life played by Dee Wallace, Patricia Quinn, and Judy Geeson. These are only a few of the great performances. It's a great cast filled with horror icons and new faces alike.

The Lords of Salem is a fantastic horror film. It's Zombie's take on the satanic sub-genre. He pulls influences from Polanski, and even Aregento while throwing in his own special touch. It's a trippy, one of a kind film that will please hardcore Zombie fans, and possibly even impress the naysayers. Satan, come to us, we are ready!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

I hate musicals. I absolutely despise them... Well, most of them. Honestly, the only musical films I can stand are horror musicals. Repo! The Genetic Opera, and Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd are prime examples. I think I enjoy them so much because they take horror elements and amplify them to fit the over-the-top style of musicals. In horror, a lot of the time, bigger and louder is better and horror musicals are the biggest and the loudest of the genre. By far, the best horror musical I've seen (and I think most people would agree) is 1975's cult classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

This film has gained a gigantic following over time, and I can definitely see why. The story revolves around Brad and Janet, two star crossed lovers who have car troubles and break down in the middle of nowhere. They seek refuge at a mysterious castle, hoping to use the telephone and get their car fixed. To their surprise, this castle is the home of Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Tim Curry) and his bizarre affiliates. Brad and Janet's night soon turns nightmarish, as they have become prisoners of the Frank-N-Furter, and he's about to reveal his latest creation: Rocky. It may drag in a couple places, but this is a very original story.

The best thing about this film is Tim Curry. He reprises his role from the stage play, and this is his first feature film. You can tell he's just having a blast. His character has such an amazing screen presence. He's outrageous, hilarious, creepy, and absolutely unpredictable. The supporting cast also do a great job. Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick are appropriately confused and scared as the doomed couple. I also really enjoyed Patricia Quinn, Little Nell, and Richard O'Brien as Frank-N-Furter's go to henchmen. The cast is really amazing, and there's not one stiff performance in the whole film.

Now let's talk songs. The songs in this film are incredibly catchy and upbeat. Time Warp, Sweet Transvestite, and Eddie are guaranteed to be stuck in your head long after the film's over. But my personal favorite song is Science Fiction/Double Feature. It's the perfect song to kick off the film and watching those infamous floating lips sing it during the opening credits is nothing short of mesmerizing. Overall, the songs are well placed in the film and not one of them slowed down the pacing, or felt unnecessary.

The acting and songs in this film are great but what really sold me was the set design and directing style. This film is absolutely gorgeous to look at. Everything is bright and colorful, and every scene is eye popping. It's truly a technicolor nightmare. Also, horror elements are very predominant. Every scene has skeletons or cobwebs thrown about. It's also cool to know that the castle set they filmed in was also used for many Hammer horror films. The direction is also very unique. Jim Sharman always keeps the camera moving, and he uses some crazy editing techniques. One film I can think to compare it to is 1977's House from Japan, in terms of pure style. The film is visually arresting and never boring to look at.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a classic, and it deserves it's huge cult status. It's a fun, bizarre, one of a kind film that demands a view from any film fan. The songs are great, the acting is great, and the film's look is fantastic. It's like nothing I've ever watched, and I say definitely check it out.

Maniac

The slasher boom of the 1980's started with Friday the 13th in 1980. It was the first mainstream film to utilize the formula established in Halloween and add gory visual effects. Friday the 13th was the template for all slashers released in the 80's, and it's now cemented as a genre classic. However, there was another slasher film released in 1980 that flew under everyone's radar; William Lustig's Maniac. This down and dirty slasher was pushed under the rug due to it's insanely graphic violence, it's dark tone, and it's odd story structure. It has a huge cult following now, and personally I think it's one of the best slashers ever made.

The story follows Frank Zito (played brilliantly by Joe Spinell), as he rampages through New York, killing innocent people and occasionally taking their scalp as a souvenir. We learn that Frank has mother issues, and everything he does is driven by her spirit. He kills women and takes their scalps because his mother doesn't approve of them. Meanwhile, Frank meets Anna, and they really hit it off. Could it be that Frank can change for Anna and finally be free of his mother? This is a great story for a slasher film. It gives gorehounds something to drool over, as well as an odd love story to mix things up. It's like nothing I've watched.

The thing that really sells this film is the acting. Joe Spinell is brilliant because we never really, truly know what's going on on his head. At the drop of a hat, he can be the most sinister murderer you've ever seen or a sympathetic victim of a broken mind. His character is well fleshed out and three dimensional, making him a very unique slasher killer. Caroline Munro (Anna) also does an amazing job. She's nice, and you genuinely want things between her and Frank to work out. The victims are all quite convincing, and they all sell the anguish of being brutally slaughtered. Overall, it's a surprisingly well acted slasher.

Another thing that this film did right was the setting. The streets of New York have never looked more dirty and unforgiving (accept maybe in Taxi Driver), and that makes every kill that much more brutal.  The film was shot on 16mm, which obviously helps make everything look more grimy. Every scene is dark, unrelenting, and claustrophobic. It also helps that a lot of Frank's victims are prostitutes, making everything that much more sleazy. the setting really reflects Frank as a character. It shows a side of New York that is utterly terrifying, and you feel like danger lurks around every corner. 

But what would a slasher be without the kills? the gore in this film is truly top notch. Tom Savini did an amazing job making outstandingly bloody, yet realistic murder scenes. The kill this film is most known for is the infamous "shotgun scene", and I'd be lying if I didn't say it's my favorite kill in the film. It's perfectly paced, and the execution is impeccable. Other than that, the film has various stabbings, a brutal strangulation, and throat slashing. There are also many bizarre hallucination scenes, showing how troubled Frank's mind really is. It's a gore fest from beginning to end that definitely still holds up today.

Even though there's a huge fan base for this film now, I still feel that Maniac is underrated. It's a down and dirty film with some of the best kills ever filmed. It's the sleaziest slasher film ever made, and it's a mandatory view for any horror fan.  

[The Vomit Gore Trilogy] - Slow Torture Puke Chamber

I've talked about extreme horror in the past, and I must reiterate it's a genre that's not for everyone. Extreme horror takes you places that you don't want to go, but have always been curious about. It's like staring at a car crash on the side of the road; you can't look away. There are many different sub genres and films in extreme horror but I'm going to talk about the films of Lucifer Valentine. He single handedly created his own extreme horror sub genres as well as some of the most disgusting films I've ever seen. I'm talking, of course, about the Vomit Gore Trilogy. This hallucinatory trilogy of films is not for the weak of heart. They are some of the most gory, bizarre, nasty, and original horror films I've ever viewed. Grab your puke bucket and let's dive right into the final installment of the Vomit Gore Trilogy, Slow Torture Puke Chamber. Spoilers Follow.

After the brilliant second installment of the series, my hopes were very high for this film. While it is a fitting end to this vomit and blood soaked trilogy, it was definitely a bit of a disappointment.  After the promising first film and the amazing second film, this one sadly felt like somewhat of an afterthought. It's not terrible by any means, but it definitely wasn't what I was hoping for. 

The film revolves around Angela as she's now the Devil's main girl. She does many preverted things throughout the course of the film to please Satan. Meanwhile, an alternate universe has been created, bringing a new Angela into the mix (played by Hope Likens). She too does various sexual acts for the Devil. Finally, we have Hank Skinny still torturing people in Hell, and projectile vomiting like always. I have to admit, this is my favorite film plotwise in the trilogy because it gives both Angelas time to say more dialogue. This is by far the most character driven film in the series.

The acting in this film is top notch. Amarea Lavey again does an amazing job again as Angela, a slave to the Devil. Hope Likens also does a great job as the alternate Angela. They both deliver Lucifer Valentines lines with real feeling. Hank Skinny is there again as the excessive vomiting, sun glasses clad villain torturing people in Hell. He's appropriately over the top, and something of a wonder to behold. The victims in this film are believable, and really sell being humiliated/mutilated/puked on.

The gore, unfortunately, is a weak point in this film. The only gory set piece is that of Hank Skinny performing a home style C-Section on a woman, and defiling her unborn child. The actual cutting open of the woman looks great; there are innards being thrown about, and copious amounts of blood flow. Once the baby makes an appearance, everything goes downhill. The unborn child looks incredibly fake, and really takes you out of the movie. Hank torturing the infant goes from disturbing to unintentionally funny. It's really a shame considering that the first and second film had top notch special effects. That is the only gore in this film to report.


The rest of the film has a lot of vomiting (obviously) as well as some other disgusting sequences including, a line of shot glasses full of puke, and eating crickets off a cake. Some of these scenes go into fetish territory, and I honestly didn't like it. While I understand they were there to show Angela's journey in Hell, they just didn't fit. These scenes outweigh the gore, and in a "vomit gore" film, that's a bit unacceptable.

The final installment of this trilogy was kind of a let down, sure, but it's still worth watching. As I said, the dialogue is great and the camera work/editing is better than ever. Seeing Angela's journey into Hell was a very surreal experience, and the ending was very well done. I personally just couldn't get past the fetish elements and the lack luster gore effects.

Overall, the Vomit Gore Trilogy is a must watch for any extreme horror fan. The first two films have some of the greatest gore I've ever seen, and the third film is very well put together. It's a one of a kind series and if you can stomach it, I say definitely give them a watch.

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[The Vomit Gore Trilogy] - ReGOREgitated Sacrifice

I've talked about extreme horror in the past, and I must reiterate it's a genre that's not for everyone. Extreme horror takes you places that you don't want to go, but have always been curious about. It's like staring at a car crash on the side of the road; you can't look away. There are many different sub genres and films in extreme horror but I'm going to talk about the films of Lucifer Valentine. He single handedly created his own extreme horror sub genres as well as some of the most disgusting films I've ever seen. I'm talking, of course, about the Vomit Gore Trilogy. This hallucinatory trilogy of films is not for the weak of heart. They are some of the most gory, bizarre, nasty, and original horror films I've ever viewed. Grab your puke bucket and let's dive right into the next installment of the Vomit Gore Trilogy, ReGOREgitated Sacrifice. Spoilers Follow.

The bad pun in the title aside, this is the be all end all Vomit Gore film. If you want to see the best this twisted genre has to offer, look no further. This film is a masterpiece in its own right. The second installment of the trilogy improves upon everything in the first film and creates a lean, mean, puke and gore filled thrill ride.

The story follows Angela who, after committing suicide, is now in hell. There she meets the Black Angels of Hell (played to perfection by the Soska Sisters). What comes next are more extremely gory hallucination scenes, as well as Angela trying to find her way to Lucifer himself. As with the first film, that's what I got in terms of a plot. I could be totally wrong, but that's how I interpreted it. This is another flashy, random images/scenes kind of movie, but this time with much more vomit and gore.

Amarea Lavey does a great job again as Angela. She's moving through hell, and she's scared and confused. We see this confusion as she crosses paths with The Black Angels of Hell, and finally Satan himself. The Soska sisters do an amazing job as the demonic twins. Every time they're on screen, you are on edge waiting to see what they will do next. They really are the main characters of this film. They basically drag women down to hell to be tortured. Also making another appearance is Hank Skinny. He helps the twins torture the victims and, as always, projectile vomits everywhere.

This film is very professionally made, and you can really tell Lucifer Valentine matured as a filmmaker. The shots are better composed, and everything is well lit, whether you want it to be or not. This is definitely the easiest film to follow in the series. Valentine perfected the quick cut style, and the pacing is impeccable. This is also the shortest film in the series, making it a quick viewing. It's fast and to the point.

The gore in this film (believe it or not) is even better than the first. Valentine's vision of hell is an all white room, which is a dream for gore hounds. Every blood red murder pops against the stark background. This time around we have the twins being separated at the head via a surgical saw, various vicious beatings, one of the most realistic disembowelments I've ever seen (seriously, it looks that real), and a decapitation/eye gouging/scalping. The gore is quite simply amazing, and it'll shake even the most jaded horror fans to their core.*


The puke element of the series is featured more in this film than the first. There are many standalone vomit scenes as well as vomit being included in the gore scenes. My personal favorite was when Hank Skinny uses the freshly disemboweled guts of a victim to make himself puke. Hank also takes a decapitated head, cuts the top off of it, pukes into it, and drinks from it. Truly nasty stuff. Like I said about the first film, the vomit just elevates this film to some disgusting high. If you made it through the first film, you'll be able to handle this.

ReGOREgitated Sacrifice is an amazing extreme horror film. It's quick (at a breakneck 66 minutes), brutal, and unlike anything I've ever seen. Everything good in the first film is made better in the sequel; the acting, shot composition, gore, and vomit. If you watch only one Vomit Gore film in your lifetime, make it this one.

*The ending of this film features one of the most despicable shots I've ever seen. I won't say what it is, but it'll scar you for life, guaranteed.

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[The Vomit Gore Trilogy] - Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

I've talked about extreme horror in the past, and I must reiterate it's a genre that's not for everyone. Extreme horror takes you places that you don't want to go, but have always been curious about. It's like staring at a car crash on the side of the road; you can't look away. There are many different sub genres and films in extreme horror but I'm going to talk about the films of Lucifer Valentine. He single handedly created his own extreme horror sub genres as well as some of the most disgusting films I've ever seen. I'm talking, of course, about the Vomit Gore Trilogy. This hallucinatory trilogy of films is not for the weak of heart. They are some of the most gory, bizarre, nasty, and original horror films I've ever viewed. Grab your puke bucket and let's dive right into the first installment, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls. Spoilers follow.

The first film in this trilogy is a very good set up for what's to come in the rest of the series. The film follows our main character Angela, a suicidal stripper turned prostitute who makes a pact with the devil. The film shows her descent into death as she hallucinates in a dumpy hotel room. These nightmarish hallucinations become the showcase for the film's outstanding gore effects. The film is basically Angela having these episodes leading up to her committing suicide. That's what I made of it anyways. The film utilizes a very choppy, "music video" editing technique, and trying to find a plot would be nearly impossible. This may sound like a complaint, but I actually enjoyed this style. It gave the film a chaotic, and insanely disturbing feel.

Ameara Lavey does a great job playing this run down girl nearing her death. I actually found out that a lot of the stuff on screen wasn't scripted, and she was just being filmed. That's a bit disturbing to think about, but it added to the realism of the film. You really feel sorry for her, and it makes her downward spiral into hell that much harder to watch. The other actors do a good job, from the victims in Angela's hallucinations, to the people committing the murders. This film also introduces Hank Skinny. His specialty seems to be projectile vomiting, and he does a lot of it throughout the film's runtime.

The gore effects are some of the best I've ever seen in any film. During the nightmare sequences, we have eyeballs being gouged out with a screwdriver, a face being cut off, an arm being viciously sawed off, a gruesome throat slashing, and the top of someone's head being sawed off. These are extremely effective gags, and they give the film an almost snuff quality. The editing style mixed with these amazing effects creates a very disturbing viewing experience.

Now let's talk puke. I've never been bothered by vomit, so the puking sequences in this film don't really phase me. The gore scenes all have some sort of puke element added to them; a girl pukes on her freshly gouged out eyes, Hank Skinny uses a girl's amputated arm to gag himself and puke, and the list goes on. It's definitely gross, but I could handle it. There are many scenes that focus on the vomit, such as when Hank Skinny throws up into a beer mug, drinks the vomit and repeats this many times. Valentine actually chooses to focus more on the vomit rather than the blood, which will put a lot of people off. Again, these scenes add an original element to this bizarre film, and I kind of dug it.

Sure it's a disturbing and disgusting film that some will find unwatchable, but I couldn't help but enjoy Slaughtered Vomit Dolls in some kind of sick way. Maybe it's because I've never seen anything like it, or maybe it was just the editing, gore, and vomit combination that got me into it. Who knows, but I thought this was a very good debut from Lucifer Valentine, and a perfect way to introduce people to Vomit Gore. A great start to the trilogy.

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Texas Chainsaw

Fun. That is the only word I can think of when describing the latest entry in the long running Texas Chainsaw Massacre series. Panned by just about everyone when it came out, I feel Texas Chainsaw (aka Texas Chainsaw 3D) got unfairly bashed. It's far from perfect, but I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Acting as a direct sequel to the 1974 original, this film begins by showing a bunch of redneck vigilantes breaking into, and killing, everyone in the Sawyer household, much to the dismay of the police. During this massacre, a little baby is found near the house. One of the rednecks kills the baby's mother and takes the child to a safer place. The little baby found near the Sawyer house is the main character of the film, Heather. We flash forward, and Heather is all grown up. Heather learns that She's inherited a house form a distant relative in Texas. She decides to check out the house, and she takes a few of her friends along for the ride. Little does Heather know that the house isn't the only thing she's inherited. Lurking in the dark basement of her new home is Leatherface still alive and kicking, and aching for some practice with his chainsaw.

I felt like this was a very clever story, but I really wished it would have been a true direct sequel set in the 70's. I just feel like it could've gone in a lot of other really cool directions. What we got was pretty good, but this doesn't really feel like a true sequel to the original. The film moves at a great pace, and never really lets up (even during the crazy third act). I really enjoyed the twist at the end because it showed a certain aspect of the family, especially Leatherface, that I've never thought of before. I mean, who's to say Leatherface hasn't been a "good guy" this whole time just looking out for his family?

The acting in this film is serviceable, and there are some great cameos from Bill Moseley (sadly not playing Chop Top), Gunner Hansen, Marilyn Burns, and a fun small role from Richard Riehle. Everyone does a good job, for a slasher film anyway. But the best part of this film for me was Dan Yeager's portrayal of Leatherface.  It's the best Bubba Sawyer I've seen in a while, and you could tell he was having a great time. He really made the character his own without taking too many cues from previous versions. He's brutal, unrelenting, and you actually feel for him by the end of the film.

The gore by KNB is very well done. It's quick, brutal, and provides enough splatter to satisfy any gore hound. We have people being chainsawed clean in half, multiple heads being caved in with a mallet, faces being cut off/worn, and other little bloody gags sprinkled throughout. While it doesn't reach the gore levels of The Texas Chainsaw Maccacre: The Beginning, it's definitely one of the bloodier entries.  This film reminded me of the original in the sense that the violence happens very quick and in increasingly gruesome ways. This may be a personal preference, but I've always loved watching Leatherface do what he does best, and this film definitely delivers in that department.

Let's talk about some of the complaints about Texas Chainsaw. First, and most importantly, is the blaring continuity error of the time frame. If the original film took place in 1974, and Heather is (clearly) in her 20's and not her 40's, then the film should be set in the mid 1990's, not present day. This error really made me quite mad, and actually made me not want to even see this film in it's initial release. All I could do was look past it and enjoy the film for what it was. Another complaint is the twist ending, but I didn't mind it and like I said, I thought it was clever and well done. Also, some of the dialogue is atrocious, but I overlooked that as well. It's a slasher film, and nobody should expect amazing dialogue. There are some iffy parts in this film, but the good outweigh the bad for me. 

Overall, Texas Chainsaw is just a fun film. If you just switch your brain off and watch, I think there's a lot to enjoy about it.  The gore is great, I thought the story was clever, and the acting is solid.  Watch it to see Leatherface do his thing, and not much more. ...But what more would you want?

Mondo Cane

Shockumetaries are not for everyone, and I personally can't stomach them. I can handle any and every gory horror film as long as in the back of my mind I know that the director calls cut and everyone walks away just fine. Real death is all around us, and I personally don't understand watching it in a film as entertainment. Having said that, I was curious how these types of films started. After looking around, I came to the conclusion that Mondo Cane is the world's very first shockumentary.

Mondo Cane (meaning "dog's life") came out in 1962 and shocked everyone worldwide. This was the first documentary to show an unflinching look at our world. After reading about this film, I heard it was quite tame, and there's nothing too graphic in it. That gave me comfort, and I was curious how these films started, so I decided to check it out. It's definitely not a gore fest like it's reputation might claim, and it was a revolutionary film that inspired an entire sub genre of documentary film.

Unlike Faces of Death or other shockumentaries, this film actually has a coherent plot and focus. This is something that automatically had me impressed. The film is basically comparing Eastern and Western cultures, and showing us we're not too different from one another. What follows are segments highlighting different lifestyles around the world.

Now let's get to the down and dirty stuff. The gory parts of the film are mostly of animals; animals being killed for food, for ceremonial rituals, and for sport. It never shows straight up animal abuse, but it's still very graphic nonetheless. If you've seen Cannibal Holocaust, you will definitely be able to stomach this film. Segments include pigs, dogs, and snakes being killed and eaten, as well as bulls being beheaded. These segments didn't bother me because they at least had a reason for killing these animals. It wasn't just senseless violence.

Unlike the films Mondo Cane has inspired, there are no scenes of people dying in this film. We catch a glimpse of people self mutilating themselves for their religion, and we see a dead man being prepared for his funeral. Other than that, there are no "snuff" elements to this film. I don't mind this at all, because I'd rather not watch real death on camera. 

The rest of the film just shows the customs of different places around the world. It's actually a very interesting look at how things were in the 1960's. The narrator has a very deadpan delivery, and often adds a bit of dark humor to the segments. That made this film very enjoyable to watch for me.

Overall, if you're expecting snuff, or things like Faces of Death or Faces of Gore, look elsewhere. While there are some gruesome scenes, they are never exploitative and they don't destract from the main theme of the film. Mondo Cane is a very interesting look at our world, and I don't think it's fair that people choose to focus on the gore. If you're not really into shockumentaries, but you're curious like I was, I say check it out. I may not like the films it has inspired, but on its own, Mondo Cane is a well put together documentary, and a very entertaining watch.

Blue Velvet

What can you say about David Lynch that hasn't already been said? He's one of the most insane, blazingly original filmmakers in the business and he continues to surprise audiences with every new film. There are mixed opinions on nearly all of his films, but I think people tend to agree that Blue Velvet is his magnum opus. While I haven't seen all of Lynch's films, I can definitely say that Blue Velvet is my personal favorite of his. Let's go for a ride and take a look at Blue Velvet.

The film opens on a picturesque suburb. There's white picket fences, flowers, bright sunshine, and even a candy red firetruck that drives by. Already the film feels like a fantasy picture. We focus on a man watering his lush green grass, and he has some sort of attack. He falls to the ground, spraying water everywhere. We then move past the man laying there and literally go into the the ground. Under the earth, Lynch makes us focus on the cockroaches in the dirt. This is a perfect opening to the film as it shows, first and foremost, nothing is what it seems.

The plot revolves around Jeffery, a normal guy living in this perfect town. One day, while visiting his father at the hospital, Jeffery finds a severed human ear in a field. The cops say that they'll get to the bottom of it, but that's not enough for Jeffery. He wants to solve the case himself. So, with the help of his friend Sandy, he dives deep into this irresistible mystery. What follows is a disturbing spiraling descent into a horrific underground nightmare.

During his investigation of the severed ear, Jeffery comes across Frank, a sadistic man who runs a kidnapping/murder ring in the underbelly of the town.  Frank's latest victim is a woman named Dorothy's husband. Franks holds Dorothy's husband captive, and in return she does certain "favors" for Frank. Once Jeffery finds out about Frank's perversions, his goal is to stop him.

The thing that's most interesting to me about this film is how smooth David Lynch transitions from normal to abnormal. We let these bizarre images and events happen without question. It's that odd quality that makes Blue Velvet such a memorable film experience. For example, in one sequence, Jeffery is forced to go on a ride with Frank and is affiliates. During one tense scene, Frank, and everyone around him, literally disappear off screen into the next scene via jump cut. This happens so fast, you just have to accept it. Because the whole movie is filled with unexpected twists and turns, when the really weird stuff happens, you let it just wash over you, no questions asked. Lynch creates a savage world that you can't help but be entranced by.

The acting is outstanding, and by far my favorite performance is Denis Hopper as Frank. He breaths a certain kind of life into this villain that I don't think any other actor could. Every time he's on screen, you're on edge. He's menacing, horrifically eccentric, and just an all around terrifying person.  His villain, like the film, is unpredictable and out of control.

This is a film you have to see to believe. It's absolutely crazy, yet so perfectly put together. The plot, characters, cinematography, and writing are unlike any film I've experienced. It came out in 1986, but it hasn't aged a day. It's a fantastic film, and it's easy to see why it's a favorite among David Lynch fans.

Top 10 Horror Guilty Pleasures

As a horror fan, I have to accept the fact that there's a lot of bad movies that come through the pipeline. What restores my faith in the genre are the diamonds in the rough. But, what proves that I really love the horror genre more than any other is the fact that I can like some of the less desirable movies. Every horror fan likes movies that have been panned by critics, fans, or everyone in between. These are my top 10 horror guilty pleasures.

10. Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009):
When this film was released, it was a well known fact that it was doomed from the start. It was in development for years, and the director Ti West totally disowned the film because the studio came in and changed many parts of it.  But in all honesty, I thought it was a pretty great sequel to an already cheesy original. I won't go into too much detail, but the film opens with a bloody bang (literally) and never lets up.  There's a plethora of nasty isolated gags throughout the first half of the flick, and then when all hell breaks loose on prom night, it's a total gore fest until the end. What more can you ask for? With a great cast including Giuseppe Andrews reprising his role as Deputy Winston (who has the funniest moments in the movie), a solid main cast, gore galore, and great humor, this is a very enjoyable sequel. Maybe it's because I really like Ti West, or maybe it's because I wasn't expecting much, but I liked this movie a lot more than I thought I would. I really recommend this if you liked the original, and you're open minded. I will say, however, that the epilogue is completely unwatchable. It features pointless cameos from the producers, and it's painful to sit through. So, when you know the movie is over (it's obvious when it "ends") shut it off right away.

9. Survival of the Dead (2010):
George A. Romero's "of the dead" films are legendary, and have set the bar for every zombie movie ever made. The original trilogy (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, & Day of the Dead) are all absolute classics. The new trilogy (Land of the Dead, Diary of the Dead,  Survival of the Dead) are where fans get divided. While Land and Diary are more universally accepted, Survival always gets the shaft. I personally loved it. If I'm being honest here, Dawn of the Dead never took itself too seriously; something that became prevalent in the other entries. The effects and acting were cheesy, and the same thing can be said about Survival. Survival takes on the same kind of tone of Dawn. I think it's because Dawn is my favorite Romero zombie film that I was ready to accept Survival more easily than others. I just like how breezy and silly it is. It's fun, gory, has a great location, a pretty original story, and the classic zombies only a Romero film can have. I've heard that Romero wasn't very pleased with Survival himself and that his next zombie movie will be much better, but I really liked it. Regardless, keep 'em coming!


8. Final Destination 3/The Final Destination (2006)/(2009):
The Final Destination series is very uneven. The first, second, and fifth are generally hailed as the best of the series, while the third and fourth are ridiculed.  I put these both on the list together because people seem to hate them, and I like them for the same reasons; they're silly. Plain and simple. These films, for whatever reason, threw the serious tone of the first and second film out the window to create more "teen crowd" kind of films. While, yes, they are my two least favorite films in the series, I still really enjoy watching them. The third film has some great deaths, as does the fourth, and sometimes that's just what I'm in the mood for. I just want to shut my brain off and enjoy a good bit of the ol' ultra-violence.  I am quite glad that the fifth film went back to a more serious tone, but it's also good to have those sillier entries as well.

7. Halloween 2 (2009):
When Rob Zombie remade Halloween in 2007, it was met with mixed reviews from the fans. Some, like myself, appreciated what he did with the material, and enjoyed it as a Rob Zombie film. Others absolutely hated him for it, and claimed that he destroyed the legacy of a horror classic. Halloween 2 on the other hand, divided fans even more, and this time the group that liked the film was vastly smaller. I really enjoyed the film. I wrote about it a while ago, so I won't get into it too much, but I thought of it as not part of the Halloween universe and I think that allowed me to enjoy it more. It's brutal, gritty, gorgeous (if that's possible), and it has a great cast. I say, clear your brain of all memory of the Halloween franchise, and watch this as its own standalone movie.

6. Orphan (2009):
This film does have a pretty significant fan base. I thought I'd get that out of the way right now. But, there's also a great deal of people who despise this film. I personally think it's one of the best killer kid movies ever made. The cast is really what makes the movie great. The child actors they hired couldn't have done a better job. The main character is so menacing that every time she was on screen, I got the chills. Plus, unlike other killer kid movies, she actually kills people. Yes, on top of all the suspense, there are a couple pretty brutal killings. The film is superbly directed, and it moves along at a very quick pace despite it's lengthly runtime. There is a twist at the end, and I can honestly say I didn't see it coming. Many claim that they saw it coming a mile away, but not me. It's a beautifully shot, brutal little film that I think a lot of people overlooked.

5. Piranha 3DD (2012):
Alexandre Aja's Piranha in 2010 was awesome. It was gory (one of the goriest films I think I've ever seen), full of T&A, and absolutely hilarious. So, when a sequel was announced, I got pretty excited. Sure it's a different director, but I was eager to see where they would go with a second movie. The results were a bit surprising... Okay, this movie is terrible. Even I know that it's God awful. But it's fun. When I watched this, I was just blown away at how stupid it was. The second rate effects, the pointless cameos, the extremely short runtime. This film is a disaster, but for some reason I'm drawn to it. It doesn't even come close to being as gory as the first film, the acting is terrible, and the direction is shoddy. Maybe it's a "so bad it's good" kind of deal, or maybe it's like a car wreck you can't look away from. All I know is, is that I couldn't get enough of it. It's a real mystery, but a fun watch nonetheless.

4. Splice (2010)
I absolutely loved this film. I honestly don't know how people could hate it. Right away, I felt like I was watching some twisted Frankenstein/Alien hybrid film. The story is very original and the acting is superb. Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley do a great job as a pair of new parents to this creature. I think what thew most people off when watching the films was how sexual it got. Well, if I'm not mistaken Ridley Scott purposely made the creature in Alien phallic to create unease. I think that just makes things so much more bizarre and unnerving when the director uses something that should be good, and mixes it with this sci-fi creature elements. And for me personally, I just accepted it. It made me feel uneasy. Isn't that what a horror movie should do? Plus, I've always been partial it sci-fi horror films, so I might be a little biased. Overall, it's a unique, creepy, disgusting little flick.

3. The Wolfman (2010):
This film was hated by just about everyone. Even the director himself said that the film was rushed and he wasn't satisfied with the final product. I went and saw it in the theater, despite all the negativity, and I loved it. Maybe it was because I didn't know how insanely gory it would be, or maybe it was because Rick Baker's make up effects put me in a trance, who knows. All I know is, I had a great time watching it on the big screen. Yes, the transformation scenes are CGI and yes the pacing is a bit slow in some places, but those are minor in my opinion. The acting makes up for the lulls in the story, and, like I mentioned before, Rick Bakers outstanding (and Oscar nominated) make up effects on the creature definitely outshine the computer generated effects of the film. The wolfman attacks are gory and brutal, and they left me very satisfied. I loved this film, despite it's iffy reception.

2. The Last Exorcism (2010):
This film is definitely an acquired taste. First of all, it's a found footage film (a sub-genre that a lot of people hate), and it's yet another exorcism film. I was interested in this film for quite some time before it was released, and it received generally positive reviews from critics. however, fans' reviews were mostly negative. I was torn, but still curious about this flick. When I saw it, I though it was a very clever movie that turned the tired exorcist plot on its head. I really enjoyed how the man performing the exorcisms knew it was all fake and he did it for show. That made it so much more creepy and devastating when the satanic stuff kicks in to full gear. It's a very well done horror film, with a great cast, some genuine scares, and an original concept.

1. My Soul to Take (2010):
Okay, I absolutely know that this film is a mess. The writing is atrocious, the acting is subpar, the storyline is way too complicated, and there's little to no scares. So why do I like it? I honestly don't know. Maybe it's because I respect Wes Craven a great deal or maybe, like Piranha, it's just so bad I can't help but watch it. Whatever it may be, I just find this movie irresistible to watch. Okay, the killer is pretty cool, and a few of the death scenes are well done. But for any other movie, those elements wouldn't carry the whole film. It's a mystery, but I just can't get enough of this film. My Soul to Take just disappeared into obscurity after Wes Craven made Scream 4, and that's probably a good thing. I think this movie is made to be a cult hit by guys like me.



Well, there you have it. These are films that I personally loved knowing 100% that they were universally panned. But hey, that's the beauty of having an opinion!

Black Swan

Horror comes in many different shades. When I heard about Black Swan, I thought it just sounded like an average "sports drama" with a bit of a twist. Little did I know that it's a horror film through and through.  It wasn't marketed as such, but Black Swan has hallucinations, violence, an eerie score, and, of course, direction by Darren Aronofsky. If that's not a recipe for a horror film, I don't know what is.

The film is about a girl named Nina (played by Natalie Portman), who wants more than anything to be the star of an upcoming production of Swan Lake.  She practices and practices under the control of her overbearing mother.  Nina is shocked to learn that she got the lead, although the play director says he's convinced by her white swan performance, but she needs her to perfect the part of the black swan.  This starts Nina's journey to becoming perfect.

The film follows Nina's slow descent into madness as she gets every aspect of her performance just right. Very early on, Nina starts having bizarre hallucinations. She sees herself everywhere, and she also has violent visions.  One particularly gruesome scene shows Nina pulling skin off her finger, only to have the wound gone a moment later. These hallucinations become more and more like Nina's reality, and at the end of the film we literally see her turn her into the black swan.  A truly beautiful yet terrifying image. She also imagines a sexual encounter with Lily, a fellow dancer. This is very disturbing, because it shows her wanting to "relax" and yet, it was all just a twisted vision in Nina's broken mind. We instantly gain sympathy for Nina because she is so innocent. She's very childlike as she lives with her mother, and denies any sexual activity or drugs.  We want her to be okay by the end of this film, and we really feel her pain as she transforms for her role.

Black Swan is directed to perfection by Darren Aronofsky.  He used primarily 16mm cameras, which really makes the horror elements that much more gritty and scary. He also shoots everything very intimately, whether it's Nina at home or practicing in the dancing studio.  This allows Aronofsky to show us everything, and give us a feeling of no escape. We are with Nina on this journey whether we like it or not.  Also, his signature "following" shot (following the actor while he/she is walking) is here as well. Again, this is used to make us feel like we're right there with Nina throughout the whole film.  Mirrors are also used in nearly every shot in the film.  This gives an opportunity for stylized shots while obviously symbolizing the two-sided nature if Nina's character.

Finally, the acting is impeccable, and it makes the movie.  Natalie Portman won an Oscar for her performance, and she deserved it.  Her performance, is creepy, sad, and most importantly, devoted 100% to the insane script.  The supporting players also do an amazing job.  Mila Kunis as Lily is great as Nina's "friend" with a bit of a dark side.  Vincent Cassel (who I know from Irreversible) is outstanding as the director.  His methods are quite extreme, but in the end, fortunately or not, they work.  Finally, Barbara Hershey is terrific as Nina's mother. You can tell she's way over protective, but you also feel bad because she doesn't want her baby to grow up.

Black Swan is amazing.  If you're a horror fan with an open mind, I say definitely check this one out.  It's a twisted sort of coming-of-age film, with violence, bizarre imagery, and a handful of great performances. If you think it will be like Aronofsky's previous film The Wrestler, go watch Argento's Suspiria; that will give you a much better idea of what you're in for.